In the previous post of this series, we’ve covered the first step – stop caring about the past.
In his post, we’ll talk about fear, its cages, and the hidden keys.
I won’t bother you with thatoverused f.e.a.r. shortcut explanations. It’s friggin everywhere, and if it didn’t help you or me that many times we’ve both seen it…
Why even bother?
Instead, I’ll tell you what I discovered about my own earned permanent fear and anxiety in times I didn’t allow myself to do anything I like to do and anything that helps me. When I restricted myself from anything positive because that was how I was taught and raised. I believe you had much more luck with your parents/guardians and the places you’ve been while childhood and teenagehood.
Fear is a mental parasite
There’s no point in denying that. Every unnatural fear (natural are the fear of heights, loud noises, and a few other fears) can consume you in a way your mind is blurred, hazy any your skills become contused. You’re neither able to think clear, nor do something about it, doesn’t matter what others tell you.
Especially, if you have this kind of fear-triggered behaviour like I had – the more they talked to me, trying to do something, the more pressure I felt inside my head. As soon as the pressure reached the ear area, it was unbearable to listen anymore so I just started screaming, kicking around, all while pressing onto my head and ears so much it hurt. Or to scratch away the insides of my ears, but I have always resisted this. You know, like, I wanted to pick out everything I’ve heard, which felt like a slimy gum in my ear canals.
What did I discover?
I’ve discovered more than one thing, honestly. As your mind is adaptable, you might get to switch various approaches to extracting this mental parasite. Same as when you overuse antibiotics or not use them enough to get rid of the pesky critters ravaging your body. Bacteria, to be clear.
Back from the medicine, I don’t know much about it anyways 😀
Do the opposite it tells you
This has been the greatest tool for me. It shows your mind in the very powerful way all the lies and the reality of the certain activity/whatever else.
For example, I’ve had a big occasional fear of even hugging my partner or look at him. He didn’t do anything bad to me, he just was the only person who truly cares about me, loves me, and never harms me. And that was unusual in my world.
The biggest thing I was afraid is – he’ll change and be like any other person I knew. Lying, hitting, mocking, sabotaging.
The best and the most weird-feeling-thing I’ve done was to just simply hug him whenever I feared it. Look him in the eyes whenever I felt like just the look will harm me.
The feeling when you start doing it is the weirdest thing ever. For me, it felt a bit like when I look at the rising sun, cold sensation over my body and pressure on my stomach and all the tubes leading to it. Not in a throw-up way, just to be clear!
And slight icy pinching on my head, sides of a neck and part of the shoulders alongside it all.
It is so worth it!
I’ve found out this particular action reduces fear’s power the most.
At least for me.
I recommend doing this at the start only with 100% safe to do stuff. Tell yourself something like ”I’ll see how it goes – just this one time.”
And, well, see how it goes! 🙂
This is particularly good for the various cases and mutations of the ”all-things-are-bad-feeling”
I recommend doing this for at least two to three weeks.
And look as often as you need. Practice it as often as you need.
Now we’re getting to it!
-If you use weekly diary with that mesh-like space on one of the sides (where would be the 8th day, it’◘s marked like to-do or some similar stuff) If not, make use of any free line in your daily diary section.
If there’s no diary, you can use a sticky note. You’ll divide 2/3 for the positive marks (I used little vertical lines, like Robinson Crusoe when counting days.) and the bottom 1/3 is the space for truly negative encounters/experiences/anything else.
– Now, take the sticky note with you, or have it somewhere easily accessible many times a day.
– Mark ANY positive event – nothing is too small. Someone said thank you! Mark it! Did someone smile at you? Mark it! Have you seen a happy crow playing with a stick? Mark it as well! Anything positive that happens.
– Now to the negative. It’s not when you’ve seen someone eating a meaty burger and you’re vegan. It’s also about realization. Just an example.
Although, when an old ‘lady’ steps on your leg and starts verbally (pathetically) trying to harm you – that’s a negative event. It’s up to you to choose and set the borders in this one.
– Do this daily for a week, two, three.
-Check on it daily / bi-daily.
– You’ll see there are much more positive events in your life than those negative ones!
+ I’ve got the belief of having nothing good and beautiful happening to me, and that I’m worthless to everyone.
SURPRISINGLY, during my very first week of doing+testing this out, I’ve reached over 41 marks in the positive field!! And only two in the negative. Which is astonishing! It shows how our brain is trained to overlook the positive and notice only the minor, negative aspects!
And, for the love of everything nice that is – feel good about the comparison of the number of + /- marks!During my second week, I’ve had this feeling… I haven’t gotten as many positive marks as the other week, and I started mentally beating myself up. Then I luckily realized – THIS IS NOT WHAT IT’S ABOUT and checked the amount of negative towards the positive.
If I remember any other tool I’ve used, I’ll create an article/fb post for you – be sure about it!
Now, however I’d love to write more, can’t exactly remember and stay in the flow.
I’d probably just started rambling 😀
Anyways, have an AMAZING time!
You’re the best!
And I believe, hope, this article could help you at least for a bit.
Do what feels right for you,
Flow Freely ♥